Tsurukame! Being Cheery
by Sailor Taichichi Vegeta
Summary: IT'S BACK! After razzing each other at the ice cream truck, the Turtle Hermit and the Crane Elder decide to see who can train the best cheerleader. Oh dear, I'm feeling crazy again...Will they get Lunch to comply? Total crack, some OOC
1. Frozen Fiasco

Tsurukame! Being Cheery

(by Sailor Taichichi Vegeta)

This is probably going to be one of the more demented fics I'll be writing. Recently, I saw the episode of Dragonball where Kamesen'nin meets Tsurusen'nin and the two old men start cussing each other out. I thought it was so funny, I'd do my own fic filled with nothing but good old-fashioned viole –er, rivalry. (It's sort of an A/U because Gokuh and Kuririn are still kids, but they're kind of buddies with Tenshinhan and Chaozu.) But there's going to be some cheerleading too, because I've been dancing like a maniac lately and it's not coming out of my system, and I wanted to do a fic involving Lunch.

Disclaimer

Me: We don't own DBZ.

Tails: And we aren't cheerleaders either.

Me: I wanted to, but I didn't have enough money.

Tails: Well, there's always next year.

Me: I guess you're right…And Electra is MY character, although we won't see her until later.

Tale #1- Frozen Fiasco

"Look, Lord Muten Roshi! It's the ice cream man!"

The Kame House boys were just coming back from their morning milk delivery when Kuririn caught sight of the brightly painted truck. He looked up at his sensei.

"May we have some, Lord Muten Roshi? _Please_?"

"Yeah! _Please_?" Gokuh joined in the begging.

"Well…" Muten Roshi thought for a moment. "You boys have been doing well lately, so I guess you can each have some."

"Woohoo!" They ran up to the truck.

"This chocolate looks tasty," said Gokuh. "But what about that cherry? And the banana?"

"Greedyguts, you want a big old banana split," scoffed Kuririn. "I know what _I _want –a nice lemon. –Wait, is that orange sherbet over there? Oh, look, he's got coconut! Oh dear!"

"Lord Muten Roshi!" they both wailed in agony.

The Turtle Hermit solved the problem by pulling out his wallet and telling the vendor, "Three scoops for each of these boys. Chocolate, cherry and banana for this fellow, and lemon, orange and coconut over here."

"Yaaaay! Thank you!" said the boys in unison. They fell upon the ice cream as if they'd survived a seven-season famine. (A/N: I got that line out of Brian Jacques' Redwall series. If you haven't read it, you haven't lived.)

Meanwhile, another trio of martial artists was coming up the street…

"Sensei, this stuff is heavy," complained Chaozu as he cradled two heavy boxes full of money that were stacked one on top of the other.

"Shut up and keep walking," snapped Tsurusen'nin from his vantage point.

"Sensei, why do we always have to be doing something gangster?" Tenshinhan was staggering under a large load of refrigerators, VCRs and wide-screen TV sets, among other things. "We're tired."

"That's too bad," said Tsurusen'nin. "We've got to get this stuff out of the way before somebody finds out about it." He shifted to a more comfortable position. With a little luck in Vegas, they'd managed to score some big bucks and get their hands on some nice merchandise. He was currently rewarding himself for a job well done with a nice cold beer.

And by riding on top of Tenshinhan's refrigerators.

Hey, it sure beat walking…

About this time Chaozu's little legs started to give out on him. He tripped over a rock and fell. Tenshinhan tripped over him and the money boxes and fell too, and the refrigerators soon followed.

"Ooooh," groaned Chaozu. "My aching back."

"My aching everything," moaned Tenshinhan.

Tsurusen'nin didn't say anything. After extricating himself from the mess of alcohol, wires and students' limbs, his first concern was making sure the appliances were all right.

Which they weren't. In fact, they were in rather bad shape.

Tsurusen'nin started kicking things around and using language that was even worse. Unfortunately for Tenshinhan and Chaozu, they were the things that were being kicked around the most.

After about his thirty-seventh kick, Tenshinhan happened to see the truck.

"Look, Sensei! Ice cream!"

Tsurusen'nin stopped cursing and Chaozu came out of his fetal position.

"Ooooh! It is ice cream!" He tugged on his sensei's gi. "Can we have some, Sensei? Please, Sensei? Pretty please with ice cream on top? Sensei? Ice cream? Sensei? Please please please Sensei?"

"SHUT UP!"

Chaozu's lower lip trembled for a moment. Then he opened up his mouth.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

He didn't look like it, but Chaozu had a big mouth. Everyone and everything within a half-kilometer radius either ran for cover or clapped its hands over its ears. Since Tenshinhan and Tsurusen'nin were closest, they bore the brunt of the torture.

"Sensei!"

"Sorry!"

"Do you remember the last time Chaozu did this?"

"It wasn't pretty!"

"My point exactly!"

Tsurusen'nin hurried over to the truck and shoved some money towards the vendor. "One scoop of mint chocolate chip! On the double!"

Covering his ears with one arm and wielding the scoop with the other, the vendor did his best to grab a large portion. Taking the money, he handed the ice cream to Tsurusen'nin, who relayed it to Chaozu. The little fighter immediately quit crying and started eating.

Then he saw the other three people near the truck. He stopped.

"What's wrong now?" said Tsurusen'nin. "I thought you wanted ice cream!"

"Yes, but those people have three scoops," Chaozu pointed at the others. "I only have one. I want three!"

"Well, you're not getting three!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Tsurusen'nin grabbed the cone, ran back to the truck and got two more. Chaozu cheered. "Yay! Thank you, Sensei!"

"Can I have some?" asked Tenshinhan.

"Don't even _think_ about it!"

"Heh heh heh heh heh heh!"

They whirled around. Muten Roshi, who'd been watching the whole thing, was standing there and laughing.

"Trouble with your students, eh, Tsurusen'nin?" he said.

Tsurusen'nin's face got ugly. "I just can't get away from you, can I, Kamesen'nin?" he snapped.

"I guess you can't," taunted Roshi. "At least I don't have to spoil my students rotten with three scoops of ice cream!"

"Oh, shut up! My students are disciplined enough!" To prove his point, Tsurusen'nin knocked Chaozu's ice cream to the ground. Chaozu's mouth started to open, but at the last moment his sensei slapped something over his face.

It read _Do Not Open 'Til Xmas_.

Chaozu tugged on his sensei's gi again. His efforts were ignored; all of Tsurusen'nin's energy was going toward arguing with Muten Roshi.

"I could beat you under the table any day!" Tsurusen'nin was yelling.

"The jigoku you could!" Roshi yelled back. "I'm not some two-foot kid you can push around any old time you want to!"

"Look who's talking!" shouted Tsurusen'nin. "You've got _two_ two-foot kids! At least mine has psychic powers! What have _yours_ got? And I've got me a six-foot one!"

"The bigger they are, the harder they fall!" jeered Roshi.

"I have a small one too!"

"I've got TWO small ones, like you yourself said!"

"Well, I've got the best of BOTH worlds! Beat that!"

"I will," said Roshi. "I've got two fighters AND a woman!"

A hush settled over the small group.

"Oh, you mean some poor girl you can torment?" Tsurusen'nin searched for a good comeback.

"I do NOT torture her!" insisted Roshi. "She does my cooking and cleaning…and she'd be a swell cheerleader to watch as I kick your butt!"

"I could get a cheerleader too," said Tsurusen'nin.

"But not one as good as mine!" said Roshi.

"There's only one way to find out. We'll have the two go up against each other two months from now to see who can cheer the best. If I rent out the Tenka'ichi Budookai stadium, will you put up half of the money?"

"Sure. The better to see you fail!"

"We'll just see who fails in eight weeks! Come on, boys!" And Tsurusen'nin left. Tenshinhan and Chaozu stared at the ice cream for a few seconds, then left too.

"What was that all about?" asked Gokuh.

Kuririn said, "They're each going to bring a cheerleader and have them compete for bragging rights. Sort of like the final fight in a cheerleading Tenka'ichi Budookai."

"Tenka'ichi Budookai? Already? Great!" Gokuh pumped his fist into the air. "When's it happen?"

"No, Gokuh, it's not a real Tenka'ichi Budookai," explained Muten Roshi.

"Oh. What is it then?"

"Cheerleading is somewhere between dancing and acrobatics. Like Kuririn said, there'll be a lady from each dojo performing, and whoever does the best wins."

"Who's gonna decide who does the best?" asked Kuririn.

"I'm not sure."

"Well, who's gonna do the cheerleading?"

"I'm not sure about that either. No telling who that sneak Tsurusen'nin might bring along with him. But I've got a pretty good idea who we're going to use."

"Who? Who?"

They had begun to walk back to the Kame House. Muten Roshi pointed at a small blue-haired figure mowing the grass outside and singing a happy tune.

"Guess who."

End Part One

Hoo boy…I'm not sure if this is turning out the way I wanted it to…A review would be appreciated. Holler back and let me know, K?


	2. Explanation and Persuasion and a Whole L...

Tsurukame! Being Cheery

(by Sailor Taichichi Vegeta)

Well, _somebody_ reviewed this thing! Thank you very much! (I forgot your name, but you know who you are.) In gratitude for your review, I'm gonna grant your wish and devote this chapter (and perhaps other later ones) to Gokuh raising sand!

Disclaimer

Tails: We don't own DBZ.

Me: That's so true.

Tails: Yes it is.

Me: …

Tails: …

Me: Uh, let's just start the story already!

Tails: OK!

Tale #2- Explanation and Persuasion and a Whole Lotta Dirt

"Hello, Lunch," said Muten Roshi when the martial artists had returned to the house.

"Hi, everyone!" said Lunch. "How was the milk run?"

"Oh, same as always," said Roshi. "These slow slobs barely got all the milk delivered before it spoiled. They're getting too fat and lazy!"

"I think they do a great job," said Lunch. "I mean, _I _couldn't do something like that. Not with the desert and the fast water and the dinosaurs and all! Would you like breakfast now?"

"Yeah! Breakfast!" Gokuh and Kuririn cheered.

"Listen to you two greedy things! You've just had ice cream," Muten Roshi told them. "You know the rules. I didn't tell you to take a break, so get out there and plow that field!"

"I hope Lord Muten-Roshi remembers to ask Lunch about the cheerleading," said Kuririn as they dug up the rich red earth

"Hey, Kuririn?" asked Gokuh.

"Yeah?" Kuririn flung a rock aside.

"What's cheerleading?"

"I thought I told you at the truck. It's acrobatics and dancing."

"I don't remember. How does it work?"

"We-eelll," said the pint-sized monk, "it's like this. You wear a uniform with the colors or symbol of the place you're representing –in Lunch's case, our dojo."

Gokuh looked down at himself and smiled with pride at the red gi he wore.

"And you do some flipping around."

Gokuh performed several somersaults, tripped on a clod and sat down hard.

"Then you pick up these two round colorful fuzzy objects called pom-poms-"

"Pom-poms. What a funny name," said Gokuh as he selected two rather large rocks.

"-and you wave them around while you chant something in support of your dojo."

"Kame-kame-kame! Kame-kame-KAME!" Gokuh yelled spiritedly as he kicked his little legs.

"Gokuh, what are you _doing_?" asked Kuririn.

"I'm cheerleading," said the monkey-boy.

"No, no, no! I wasn't finished explaining."

While Kuririn continued his description, Muten Roshi slunk about the house in fear. Lunch had sneezed while dusting and was not in the mood to be asked about anything. In fact…

"Where are you, gramps?" yelled Kushami as she stalked through each room with her trusty automatic in hand. "You haven't had breakfast yet. I was saving ya a knuckle sandwich!"

Muten Roshi hid under the couch and prayed.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are! The quicker you make it for me, the less painful I'll make it for you!"

Muten Roshi tried hard not to whimper.

Kushami, not finding anything, cursed and sat down on the sofa. From his hiding place, Roshi could see the TV flash on to a random show featuring tough cops, reckless villains, breathtaking chases, amazing escapes, and a whole bunch of violence. The blonde bombshell cheered as a bank robber with long green hair jumped out of the ninth-story window of an office building into a waiting helicopter.

"That's it! Go Shigeru! Man, this is the stuff!"

Muten Roshi kept praying.

"There's also this long decorated stick called a baton," said Kuririn.

Gokuh found a stick.

"You wave it in time to the music, or toss it into the air and catch it again. Most of the time you do both."

"There's music?" Gokuh let his attention stray from the stick he'd just tossed, and it came down and whacked him a good one on the head.

"Of course there's music!" said Kuririn, as if this was something everyone learned when he or she was in his or her first weeks of life. "What do you think the cheerleaders dance to?"

"I didn't think about that," said Gokuh. "How do they dance?"

The cops-and-robbers show went into a commercial break. Kushami went into the kitchen to get a beer. Muten Roshi sighed with relief and hurried into the bathroom.

"What was that?" Kushami stuck her head out of the kitchen, can already in hand. "I could've sworn I heard something. Something like somebody moving!"

In the bathroom, Roshi tried not to let his breathing be heard –in fact, he tried not to breathe at all. This experiment didn't last very long, and the blue-faced Turtle Hermit decided to hide in the bathtub.

"These days, they dance something like this," said Kuririn. He spread his feet slightly, raised his fists above his head, and began to shake his hips shamelessly. "At least, that's how I've seen it done on TV."

"Oh, that looks easy!" said Gokuh. "But what kind of music do they dance to?"

"Something like this," said Kuririn. "_Puum-puum-chii, puu-puu-puu-puum-chii! _Like that, only there's words to it. Stuff like "you so fine, shake dat thang, bling-bling."

"Really easy," said Gokuh. "I'm gonna try."

"Be my guest," said Kuririn.

Muten Roshi had to use the bathroom.

He'd tried and tried to hold it, but it was no use. The sight of the toilet not ten feet away kept his bladder constantly jumping around inside of him. Sure he could go, but what if Kushami heard the noise? He'd be finished in no time.

Roshi closed his eyes. Little porcelain men with white skin and fat bellies with holes in the top danced before him.

"Go, go, H2O!" they called. "Bladder trouble, Roshi?"

Roshi opened his eyes again. That was no use. He just _had _to go –otherwise he'd go crazy. Silently he arose from the bathtub and moved toward the toilet, pulling down his shorts. Fortunately for him, he made surprisingly little noise after the first splash. Sighing with relief, he pulled his shorts back up again.

"Have a nice time?" said a voice. "That beer you've got always drives my guts crazy too."

Muten Roshi turned around and screamed.

Standing in front of him was Kushami, beer can in one hand and gun in the other. She crushed the can and advanced toward him.

"I believe I owe you something," she said. "Oh yeah, that's right –a good solid beating!"

Roshi screamed again and jumped out of the bathroom window. He ran as fast as his ancient legs would carry him with Kushami close behind. He was about to collapse when he noticed where he'd been heading and saw a very strange sight.

A little bald boy wearing a turtle shell on his back and drumming on a large rock. Nearby, another little boy with spikey black hair and a monkey's tail in a similar turtle shell waved his fists above his head and shook his nether end for all the world to see. They were chanting something –something like _"You so fine! Shake dat thang! Come on baby! Bling-bling-bling!"_

Roshi stopped short. Behind him, Kushami did the same and swore under her breath.

"Just _what _are you two _doing_?" demanded the old man.

"Hi, Muten Roshi!" said Gokuh in a cheerful tone which suggested he really didn't know what he'd been doing. "We're practicing our cheerleading."

Kushami started to laugh. "You little fool," she said. "Don't you know? Guys don't do cheerleading!"

"Why not?" asked Gokuh.

"Because it's mostly girls that do it and guys who do it are considered to be rather…weird," said Muten Roshi, patting him on the shoulder. He wouldn't go into the reasons now; that was _definitely _a conversation for another day…

"So did you ask Lunch about it yet?" asked Kuririn, going back to his digging and trying to look like he'd been doing so the whole time.

"Ask about what?" said Kushami. "I HATE it when people keep secrets from me!"

"This ought to make it easier," said Kuririn. He flung a handful of loose dirt in her face.

"A-a-aaaaaah-CHOOOOO!" She sneezed and smiled at everyone.

"_Now _tell her," said Kuririn.

"Um, Lunch?" said the old man, trying not to stare too hard at his housekeeper. "There's something I need you to do for me."

"Well, why didn't you say so?" said the (currently) happy schizophrenic, who started to head up to the house so she could fix the afternoon meal. "What is it that you need?"

"Well-" said Roshi, and proceeded to tell her about the happenings at the ice cream truck.

"What does that have to do with me?" asked Lunch.

"I, uh…" Roshi tried not to sound greedy. "I'd like you to be the cheerleader representing the Kame House."

"Wow!" said Lunch. "I'd love to! Two, four, six, eight! Who do we appreciate? Kame House, Kame House! Not much bigger than a mouse!" She attempted to do a split in midair and fell flat on her back.

Muten Roshi sweatdropped. "Lunch," he said, "we've got a lot of work to do on both your rhyming and your movements. And I mean a _lot_."

End Part Two

Well, that was a whole lot more Gokuh. Next time, we'll see the beginning of Lunch's training as a full-fledged member of the Kame House! That oughta be interesting…


	3. A Slight Change of Plans and a Radio Too

Tsurukame! Being Cheery

(by Sailor Taichichi Vegeta)

Now I remember who my first reviewer was -Niph speaks. Plus all you others -I had no idea this fic was so popular! Thank you for your time; I'm glad you liked what's going on so far. And there's more to come!

Disclaimer

Tails: Dragon Ball is not our property.

Me: But I do own a burgundy-and-gold pom-pom stuffed in my closet someplace between the chemistry set and the Pokémon cards... 

Tale #3- A Slight Change of Plans and a Radio Too

"This is really heavy," complained Lunch. She sat on the ground with a bump.

After her official induction into the Turtle's Dojo (which wasn't much -Muten Roshi drank a bit of sake and shook her hand), Lunch had joined Gokuh and Kuririn in donning the infamous 20 kg turtle shells. It hadn't really agreed with her.

"It's supposed to be heavy," said Muten Roshi. "You're in training, remember? Do you want to see your dojo shamefully defeated because you were too lazy to wear a little shell on your back?"

Lunch tried not to feel bad. "All right," she said, standing up. "I'll do my best."

"That's the spirit," said Roshi. "Obviously, we don't have that much time for basic training, but that's all right because you won't be doing any real fighting." He cleared his throat. "An important part of cheerleading is the stunts you can pull. Do you have any experience with that?"

"Yes, sir," said Lunch. "I took some gymnastics when I was little and I still remember some."

"Try a backflip now."

She did.

"Excellent," said Roshi. "Another crucial element of cheerleading is the chant. How good are you with poetry?"

Immediately, the sun went behind a cloud, and the sky went dark. A single ray of light focused on Lunch, now wearing black suit, beret and shades. She struck a dramatic pose and said: 

_I'm of Kame House._

I must study poetry

For I soon will cheer.

Gokuh and Kuririn went wild.

"Yay!" said Gokuh. "That was great!"

"You're gonna be the next Bashô!" said Kuririn.

"Really?" asked Lunch.

"NO NO NO!" cried Muten Roshi, pulling a light cord and bringing the sun back from behind its cloud. "Lunch, have you ever seen a movie with cheerleaders in it?"

"Not that I can remember," said Lunch.

The old man scratched his head for a moment. "Now how am I gonna break this down...Lunch, a cheerleader yells out short peppy rhymes. Something cute and supportive of your team like...One, two, three, four! Kame House forevermore! Now, you try."

"Okay," said Lunch. "How about...Ichi, ni, san, shi! Power to the scarlet gi!"

"That's a start," said Roshi. "Can you think of another one?"

Lunch thought for a moment. "Power of the turtle shell! Makes me want to clap and yell!"

"Good," said Roshi. "Now keep thinking of little rhymes like that for the next two months. Write them down so you'll have plenty to shout during the match."

"Yes sir," said Lunch. "I guess I'll make breakfast now."

"Yay!" cried Gokuh and Kuririn. "Breakfast time!"

"That reminds me," said Roshi. He turned to his other two students. "You two haven't plowed your field yet! Slackers don't get any breakfast!"

"B-b-but Lord Muten Roshi," protested Kuririn, "you were busy with Lunch. With all due respect, sir, I really don't think you'll be able to train her and us at the same time for two straight months."

"Oh, really?" said Roshi. "Well, then I guess I could-" The phone rang.

"I'll get it!" Lunch ran into the house. She poked her head out of the doorway and said, "It's for you, sir."

A few minutes later they came out again. Roshi looked like a storm cloud.

"That lousy Tsurusen'nin!" he fumed. "Taunting me over the phone like that!"

"What did he say?" asked Gokuh.

Breathing hard through his nose Roshi said, "He called the house and told me there was no way in jigoku I could beat him because his cheerleader would be so much stronger than the whiny little nail-breaker I'd bring with me! How dare him call my house! How DARE him!" He clenched his fists and ground his teeth.

"Calm down, Lord Muten Roshi," said Kuririn. "We'll beat him anyway." 

"Yeah," said Gokuh. "We'll show him not to mess with out sensei!"

"Thank you, boys," said Muten Roshi. "And that's my next point. What if I gave all three of you the same training program?"

"Huh?" said the others.

"You heard me," replied the old man. "Lunch, you're going to get some real martial arts training after all, and Gokuh and Kuririn, you two are going to learn how to dance."

"WHAT?!"

"You heard me We're going to be super tough, just plain unbeatable, at that competition two months from now, and a sprinkling of martial arts will really help. Anyway, you boys seemed to be enjoying the dancing enough the other day. Everyone inside, please." 

When they were all in, the Turtle Hermit took out a videotape from a box marked "Digital Dojo" and put it in the VCR. Gokuh and friends found themselves watching two cheerleaders (Saotome and Konjo, it sounded like to Gokuh) going head-to-head with all kinds of crazy techniques.

At length Roshi stopped the tape and said, "Lunch, can you do any of that?"

"No, sir," said Lunch. "Martial arts cheerleading looks really hard. I'm new to it, remember?"

"Oh, that's right," said Roshi. "That's what I'm here for…All right, then." He handed Lunch a box. "Meet us outside at the big rock."

"Lord Muten Roshi, how are you going to teach Lunch any martial arts in just two months?" asked Kuririn. "With that and the dancing, you'll really have to strain yourself to pull it off."

"I'm the Invincible Turtle Hermit. I can do it!" said his sensei.

"I'd like to learn some dancing," said Gokuh. "From what Kuririn showed me the other day, it really sounds fun."

"It can be fun," said Muten Roshi. "And it's an excellent form of exercise, so if we can manage to mix it with the actual martial arts, all three of you will be in excellent shape in no time flat."

"Well, I guess I'm willing to try it," said Kuririn. Lunch joined them, wearing the gang's trademark red gi along with her turtle shell.

"I feel like a fighter already," she laughed. "What do I have to do first?"

"First," said Roshi, "we're going to stretch. Everyone ready?" He switched on a radio he'd brought outside with him, and they began to stretch to a moderately paced tune.

When they finished with that the old man said, "Lunch, I understand it's been a while since you've actually done any gymnastics and I don't want you to hurt yourself, but I want you to try anything you remember to this song…here." He turned to a faster hip-hop song. "And remember your chanting."

Lunch stood there for a moment, listening. She started to bounce, then moved from one foot to the other. Suddenly she stood up straight as an arrow and shouted:

_Kame House! You can do it!_

Put your mind and muscle to it!

She stood on the toes of her left foot and kicked with her right foot, stood on the toes of her right foot and kicked with her left foot. Repeated thrice more and yelled:

__

Don't mess with the turtle small!

I'm the toughest one of all!

Then she did a split in midair. Back to the kicking business again. She clapped her hands twice every so often.

_Kame House! Do or die!_

Don't you ever ask me why!

And then she went into a series of backflips –at least ten.

"Go Lunch!" shouted Kuririn.

Lunch tried to do another split, stepped on a rock, and promptly fell. There was an uncomfortable-sounding _thud_.

"Are you okay?" asked Gokuh as they ran up to her.

"My legs hurt," said Lunch, trying to look brave (and pretty much failing). Kuririn helped her up.

"This is what I was afraid of," said Muten Roshi. "You have the gymnastics down, but you're going too hard and too fast. We should've started with a slower song. Try to feel the music before you go into a routine. But the shouting and the gymnastics were great."

"Thanks," said Lunch. "What should I do now?"

"Well, judging from your fall just now and from the noises in my stomach, this would be a perfect time for you to quit and fix us some breakfast."

"May we have some too, please?" begged Kuririn.

"I suppose I can go easy on you for once," said Roshi. "Come on."

"YAAAY!"

As they went inside, Lunch got the final word.

"Hunger makes me feel so crummy. Just ask my poor empty tummy!"

End Part Three

And so it begins…Two months to become a fighter. Well, with weird friends like Gokuh and the crew, who knows what'll happen next?


	4. Techno Tactics

Tsurukame! Being Cheery

(by Sailor Taichichi Vegeta)

More training = more trouble. See for yourself.

Disclaimer

Tails: We're not cheerleaders.

Me: And we don't own Dragon Ball. But who cares? I've still got my music. ^_^ 

Tale #4- Techno Tactics

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

After breakfast Muten Roshi had tied everyone to the infamous tree, thrown a rock at the beehive, and ducked into the bushes. Gokuh and Kuririn were slightly better off due to their speed (and the fact they were very used to this), but Lunch had a bad time. The bees were trying to take out her eyes, and while dodging them she ran in a circle until the rope ran out and she smacked into the tree.

"Okay, so that wasn't such a good idea," said Roshi. After the bees left, he untied everyone and led them back to the house.

"That really hurt," said Lunch as she rubbed ointment on her face. "I don't think I should even be talking now, much less training."

"Aw, nonsense," said Roshi as he rubbed some of the ointment on his face too (he hadn't hidden far enough from the hive). "We'll find _some _way to get this done."

As it turned out, Umigame was the one who found the way. The ancient reptile had gotten up rather late that morning and sought entertainment. Grabbing a glass of juice and the remote, he found that the TV had been left on a music video channel. The current video was quite interesting: 'schoolchildren' bounced to a fast-paced tune and generally raised heck with some well-aimed airplanes and spitballs. One kid was even breakdancing.

"Muten Roshi!" called Umigame. "Come quick!" 

Roshi came quick with the others in tow. "What happened?" he asked.

Umigame indicated the television. "I think I know the perfect way to train Lunch!" he said.

"What?" said Roshi. "Rapping about people being scared of the dark?"

"No. Watch the little girl."

"Wow! She's good!" cried Gokuh.

"What's your point?" asked Roshi.

Umigame told him, "The idea came to me when I saw her doing the robot. You can train Lunch while playing music in the background! That way it'll be almost like martial arts dancing. I mean, she's already got the chanting part down."

The Turtle Hermit thought for a moment.

"We may as well give it a try, sir," said Kuririn. "The bees sure didn't work."

Amidst laughter, a red-faced Roshi cried, "I was just about to say that! Don't interrupt your elders! Leave this kind of thing to the people with more experience!"

So they all piled into the air car and drove until they found a music store. They went inside and were greeted by a friendly clerk.

"Hello! What can I do for you?" he asked.

"We're looking for music that I can train my new student to," said Muten Roshi, gesturing towards Lunch.

The clerk stared for a moment. Then he cried, "Hey! You're the Invincible Turtle Hermit, aren't you? Dude, you ROCK! Can I have your autograph? _Please_?"

"Umigame, exactly what kind of music did you have in mind?" asked Roshi as he signed a piece of paper.

"Something rather fast that just makes you want to get up and move. Techno music would work, perhaps mixed with some classic hits."

"Anything for the Turtle Hermit, man!" The clerk raced around the store, grabbing records off the shelves in the blink of an eye. He presented his findings with a bow. "Here's all the best techno hits in the store. This one here is my personal favorite."

Roshi scanned the pile. "I'll take them all," he said.

"_All _of them? Right away!" Heading behind the counter, the clerk-turned-rabid-fan rang up the purchase with alacrity and presented the bag with a flourish. "I took off a bit of a discount," he said proudly. "Not much, just 5 percent. Hope you don't mind. Nothing but the best for the Turtle Hermit!"

"That was easy enough," said Kuririn as they left the store. He turned around and saw the clerk pasting Muten Roshi's autograph in the front window for all to see. Some people, he thought.

When they got back to the house, Roshi put in one of the CDs and stretched his arms.

"Lunch," he said, "the time has come for your official training to begin. Are you ready?"

"I'm ready, sir!" cried Lunch.

"What about you two?" The old man looked at Gokuh and Kuririn.

"We're ready too," said Kuririn.

"Yay for the music!" said Gokuh.

"Good," said Roshi. "Now the music may be fast, but that's just for raising the spirits right now –we really won't use it until later. We're going to start off slowly so Lunch can get the hang of it; we'll begin with a basic punch."

"I can do that!" said Lunch. She stuck out her right fist, giving a loud "hai-ya!" as she did.

"That's an excellent show of spirit. But this is how you really do it." The Turtle Hermit demonstrated with his own arm. "Be sure your thumb is over here so it can't be grabbed, and don't extend your arm completely because you could get hurt. Gokuh, Kuririn, I want you two to follow me as well. After I teach Lunch the basics of fighting it's going to go rather quickly and I don't want you to miss a beat."

"Yes sir," said Kuririn.

"This is going to be lots of fun!" said Gokuh.

"You said it," said Lunch.

End Part Four

This sure took long enough, didn't it? (I've got excuses.) A big thank you to all the good people at East West Karate for giving me the idea of techno training! And let's all hope that Lunch doesn't sneeze again any time soon…


	5. Weeks Go By

Tsurukame! Being Cheery

(by Sailor Taichichi Vegeta)

Hooray! The training ship has officially launched! And I got a perfect score –a 5 -on my U.S. History AP test! Life is good! …or at least until a certain someone sneezes on you…

Disclaimer

Me: I'm not a cheerleader. My studying demands too much.

Tails: It's true. You're like some female Gohan.

Me: Watch it! How would I have even gotten back out of Nyaneechuan in the first place? I can't swim, remember? Anyway, we don't own DBZ. 

Tale #5- Weeks Go By

The next month and a half were a flurry of activity. Muten Roshi imparted every bit of martial arts knowledge he had to his new student (or at least as much as he could share in six weeks), and Lunch absorbed it eagerly. In fact, she enjoyed it a lot, perhaps even more than Gokuh and Kuririn did. Except for the bees, of course.

Gokuh and Kuririn loved the dancing part better than the fighting. Being the old timer that he was, Roshi knew a _lot_ of dances and taught them every last one. Gokuh's favorites were the robot, the twist and the Charleston.

"No, Gokuh," said Roshi. "Move your right foot back _after_ you move it forward."

"Like this?" The little boy tried again.

"Yes, that's it. And swing your arms opposite to the movement of your feet. You're doing it!"

"Yay, I'm doing it!" Gokuh cheered as he windmilled his arms.

Kuririn liked the breakdancing. His little bald head was just perfect for spinning around on after he finally managed to get his legs off the ground.

"Go Kuririn!" shouted Gokuh. "I wanna do that, Sensei!"

"I thought you liked the Charleston," said Muten Roshi.

"Yeah, but I like that one too," said Gokuh.

"Well, you'll have plenty of time to –Look out!"

Kuririn's little bald head was a little _too _perfect, and he had lost control. Spinning like a top (or at least like a top would if it was wearing a red gi and a 40-kilogram turtle shell), he sent everyone scurrying for cover. Roshi had to trip him up with his stick before things got back to normal.

"Sorry, sir."

Lunch liked the macarena and the Para Para the best.

"I feel just like I'm in a video!" she laughed.

The actual martial arts training went pretty well for someone who'd never fought before. After learning how to punch correctly, Lunch progressed to kicking and blocking fairly fast. Pretty soon she was almost always staying ahead of Muten Roshi during the morning milk run. The worst thing that happened was probably the time Lunch sneezed right after learning the "Multiple Illusion Technique."

"What are you all staring at?" demanded Kushami.

Gokuh and the others didn't say anything. They just prayed silently.

Kushami went in the house and got her machine gun. Pointing it at Roshi, she said, "Everyone get your hands in the air! I want all your valuables-" she poked the old man in the head with the weapon-"or Grandpa here gets it!"

"W-w-we don't have any valuables," stammered Kuririn.

"We've got fighting knowledge," said Gokuh.

"Fighting knowledge, huh?" A second later she was nowhere in sight.

"Where'd she go?" asked Gokuh.

"To put that gun away, I hope," said Roshi, feeling his chest to make sure his heart hadn't beat its way out.

Suddenly, puffs of smoke started to appear, and they could hear a gun being fired. Kuririn tried to run in the house, but Kushami appeared right in front of him, holding the gun!

"AAAAAAAH!" The little monk went in the opposite direction, only to find her standing there too. Gokuh and Roshi were encountering the same problem. Homicidal blondes were everywhere!

"This is just the sickest abuse of talent I've ever seen!" shouted the old man as the unlucky trio danced in place to avoid the bullets that were flying in from every direction. The mayhem didn't stop until Kushami ran out of bullets.

"Hey, what happened?" She checked her gun and cursed. "I'll have to get more bullets. Hey gramps, I'm stealing your ride!" Grabbing Roshi's belt, the wicked young lady opened the air car capsule, hopped in and took off.

"At least we didn't get hit," said Gokuh, trying to be positive.

"Speak for yourself." Kuririn rubbed his behind and looked distressed.

Lunch came back that evening after wandering into a cigar smoke-filled bar. As an apology for her bad behavior, she brought back some groceries and made daikon stew –but she brought back three boxes of bullets, too. Kuririn said the stew was so good it was worth the sneezing problem. Lunch was happy.

And then there was the time Lunch moved up to wearing the 40-kilogram turtle shell like Gokuh and Kuririn did, about three weeks before the tournament. She nearly fell over! (Well, actually, she did.)

"This is worse than the other one," protested Lunch.

"Don't worry, Lunch," said Gokuh. "Kuririn and me pulled it off. You can too."

Lunch tried her best to do things like she normally did, but the shell really slowed her down. During the milk run the next day, a dinosaur almost ate her! The bees seemed to be worse than ever, and her kicking ability was hindered. Fortunately, this also kept Kushami from doing too much damage when she appeared during sneezing spells.

Feeling frustrated, Muten Roshi took a seat on the porch one evening and watched his new student in her attempts at flying kicking a large rock. This is starting to look hopeless, he thought, and just as things were going great. Maybe I should just call Tsurusen'nin and tell him I give up…

"Come on, Lunch!" Gokuh cheered on his fellow student.

"Yeah, don't give up now!" Kuririn added his encouragement.

"I can't do this! This thing's too heavy!" Lunch kept losing her balance.

"You gotta do it! Lord Muten Roshi will be disappointed as I don't know what if you can't!"

"Think positive!" cried Gokuh.

"He can't get anybody else, not in three weeks!"

"Think of the rhyme! 'Kame House, you can do it…'"

" 'Put your mind and muscle to it,'" finished Lunch. Kushami, lend me your stubbornness, she thought. If Kuririn can run all the way through a desert and a jungle, Muten Roshi can knock over a castle with a blast from his arms, and Gokuh can take down an entire army…

She sized up her target once again.

_Then I CAN HIT THIS ROCK!_

"Hi-YAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Lunch sprang through the air and gave a scream that would've made the toughest samurai wet his pants. Flying high, she struck the rock and turned it into pebbles.

"Yay Lunch! You did it!" Gokuh and Kuririn ran over to hug her.

"Wow! You're right! Thank you, guys!" Lunch was about to return the hug when she sat down hard.

"My behind hurts," she said. She started to laugh. Gokuh and Kuririn joined her.

Roshi went in the house to get a beer. There was nothing to worry about at all.

End Part Five

Two weeks until the big day! Was this a little too weird for ya'll? My bad. (For those of you with the torches and the sharp sticks waiting right outside my door, Lunch got the shell three weeks before the tournament and destroyed the rock about eight days later, so please don't get tied up in a knot about any anachronisms.) And then we'll find out why I stopped it at six weeks instead of eight.


	6. Shocking, Isn't It?

Tsurukame! Being Cheery

(by Sailor Taichichi Vegeta)

T minus two weeks! Today's lunch special is…plushies! 'Cause I just saw Lilo and Stitch, and it rocked! *tosses out free plushies* And for those who haven't seen the great movie yet, may we suggest a li'l sprinkling of something else…just ask Ten! 

Disclaimer

Me: We don't own DBZ.

Tails: And we didn't invent cheerleading.

Me: I wouldn't wanna have to wear a 40-kg turtle shell for three weeks anyway. Oh, and in this chapter we finally get to meet Electra. 

Tale #6- Shocking, Isn't It?

"Lord Muten Roshi, could you please tell us where you're going again?" asked Kuririn as he sat on the front porch with a confused-looking Umigame.

"One of the monks at the temple where the Tenka'ichi Budookai is held has a daughter who was a cheerleader once," said the Turtle Master. "He's been nice enough to create the rules for the cheerleading tournament, and Lunch and me are going to join him for lunch (A/N: Ha ha) this afternoon."

"But Lord Muten Roshi, why can't I come too?" whined Kuririn.

"Because Lunch is coming with me to pick up information as well," said Roshi. "Top secret martial arts student information."

"But we're your students too."

"Are you going to be in a cheerleading competition two months from now?"

"No."

"Then stay home and be quiet!"

"Yes sir."

"Hi guys," said Gokuh, coming out of the house. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," said Kuririn. 

"Roshi and Lunch won't be here today," explained Umigame. "They're going to get the rules for the cheerleading tournament."

"How are we going to train if you won't be here?" asked Gokuh.

"You two can just spar today," said his sensei. "Umigame, make sure they stay out of trouble." They got into the air car and drove off.

"Goodbye, Sensei!" Gokuh waved. Turning to the ancient turtle, he asked, "Hey Umigame, wanna watch us spar?"

Umigame didn't reply. A bubble protruding from his nose alternately grew larger and smaller, and he breathed rather noisily with his eyes shut tight.

"He's asleep," said Kuririn. His face grew wicked. "Say, that gives me an idea…"

Muten Roshi drove to a nice little Italian place that sat right next to a park on one side and a bunch of shops on the other. "Great location," the monk had told him. "They've got a vegetarian menu, and you can even see the lake from some spots."

They sat down at a table and started reading the menu.

"What's rigatoni?" asked Lunch.

"Try it," Roshi told her. "I think you'll like it."

A few minutes later, a chubby orange-clad man with a wrinkled but cheerful face joined them. He smiled and waved.

"Sorry I'm late," he said. "The plum trees in the park are really something to look at this time of year."

"That's okay," said Roshi. "We haven't ordered yet. Did you bring the papers?'

"I sure did." He turned to Lunch. "Oh, please excuse my manners! I haven't introduced myself at all. I'm Brother Shinnosuke. Nice to meet you." He extended a pudgy hand.

"I'm Lunch," said the newly christened martial artist. She shook his hand.

"She's the one I've been telling you about," said Roshi. "She's really come far this six weeks. I wouldn't be surprised if she went to the Tenka'ichi Budookai some year."

"Really?" Looking interested, Shinnosuke handed over some papers. " I believe you if you say she's that good…Here. I sat down with some friends and we hammered out some rules. We're getting the Tenka'ichi Budookai host and the head priest to help us run the thing."

Roshi looked at the papers.

"Let's see…Each cheerleader performs two routines. The first one concentrates more on cheering, the second focuses on the dancing. Oooh, I like this part about exciting the crowd! Participation is so much fun!"

"Well, that's what cheerleaders do, isn't it?" laughed Shinnosuke.

"What happens if there's a tie?" asked Lunch.

The monk looked nervous. "Well…uh, we're kind of still working on that. But don't you worry –by the time the competition rolls around, everything will be A-OK."

At this point a lady with sea-green hair came up and asked them if they were ready to order yet.

"Not just yet, thanks," said Shinnosuke. "We're still waiting for someone else to arrive. Does anyone want a drink?

"I'd like some sake, please," said Lunch. Roshi and Shinnosuke ordered the same.

"Just let me know when the rest of your party comes, OK?" said the lady before she left.

"That's Michiko," said Shinnosuke. "I've known her for three years, and from what I've seen, she's a great person. She hopes to be an actress some day."

"I wish her luck, then," said Lunch. Roshi, who normally would've been drooling like crazy and making a fool out of himself trying to hit on Michiko, instead looked mad.

"What's wrong, Sensei?" asked Lunch.

Roshi didn't answer. Instead he turned to Brother Shinnosuke and asked, "Just who is that "someone else" we're waiting for, Shinnosuke?"

"Well," said the monk, "we've got to make sure both sides know how the competition's going to be run. It's only fair."

Just then, as if summoned by the table's inhabitants discussing their presence, two people appeared. One was an annoyed-looking Tsurusen'nin, who'd been horribly wrong in his guess that today was a good day to gamble away money from stolen appliances, and whose spirits were not improved by the sight of Roshi. The other one was a young woman whose long, braided hair, by some quirk of nature, was pure white. Her eyes were the color of darkest night with a slight tinge of blue, and her face was paler than most. She was wearing a blue kimono covered in silver stars and tied with a black obi, her fingernails were painted bluish-silver, and the necklace and ring that sparkled at her neck and left hand each held a single silver-white flower, while her earrings resembled curved icicles broken in half and put back together the wrong way. Under her arm she carried a darkly shining mirror framed in silver flowers, and her body was tall and slender and seemed to give off a cold aura.

Which was pretty much the same thing the table was giving off right then. Roshi's eyes were shooting hand grenades at Tsurusen'nin (and vice versa), and Lunch kept hers on the ground because she didn't like the way the strange girl was staring at her. Shinnosuke saved the day.

"Well, well, look at what we have here! Tsurusen'nin, how are you? And…er, what's your name?" he asked the strange girl.

"Call me Electra," she replied in a soft, slightly scary voice. Michiko came back.

"Is this everyone?" she asked. "I can take your order right now if you like."

"That would be great," said Shinnosuke. "Oh, it looks like we'll need an extra chair or two."

"You'll only need one more," said Electra. "I was going to go and meditate." She bowed and left, and the air surrounding them seemed to become warmer. The two teachers wound up fighting because Tsurusen'nin wanted sake like Roshi was drinking, and Roshi ordered lasagna after Tsurusen'nin did. Michiko seemed to be rather scared, and it was a miracle as to how Shinnosuke managed to stay calm and happy, what with the tension being as thick as tomato paste. Needless to say, silence prevailed, although the old-timers continued to glare at each other.

When Lunch was finished she stood up, bowed and said, "Thank you for the food, Brother Shinnosuke. I think I'll go and enjoy the lake. Anyone else want to come?"

"That's all right," said the monk. "I'm going to make sure these two have everything down before we separate. You go on."

"Okay," said Lunch. And off she went.

Meanwhile, two people came out of a nearby arcade. After watching their sensei get politely asked to leave the casino that "stole" all of his refrigerator money, Tenshinhan and Chaozu decided it would be best to make themselves scarce so they wouldn't be the unlucky objects that he took out his rage on. Ironically they ended up inside of an arcade, where Tenshinhan blew a few zeni on video poker and Chaozu half-killed himself playing Dance Dance Revolution –after that last event, Tenshinhan's bad-mouthing the arcade's manager caused the duo to be in the same embarrassing situation as Tsurusen'nin, and they'd left. Of course, they hadn't any idea their sensei was supposed to meet somebody for lunch right across from the place they were in, so they beat a hasty retreat behind some conveniently placed bushes.

"Chaozu, you said he wasn't going to be here!" whispered Tenshinhan fiercely as they watched the table fearfully.

"Well, how was I supposed to know?" shot back Chaozu. "This is the last place I thought he'd be!"

Tsurusen'nin shifted in his chair slightly, and the two stiffened with apprehension.

"We gotta get out of here before he sees us." Chaozu remembered to lower his voice. "On the count of three we're going to make for that path over there. One…two…three!"

As soon as the little emperor finished speaking, the two shot from their hiding place towards the park like ki from the finger of a Dodonpa user. Luckily, they managed to make it without being seen by anyone except for a dog who happened to be 'taking care of business' by a fire hydrant.

"Man, that was close!" breathed Chaozu thankfully. "Hey, Tenshinhan… Tenshinhan?"

But there was no talking to Tenshinhan, who was now beyond the reach of any reason or entreaty. His eyes were straight ahead, fixed on the girl in front of him. She wore a red gi (and for some strange reason, a turtle shell on her back), and she gave the impression that it wouldn't be impossible for her to fight you under the table. Her long, curly hair was the color of fresh, dewy violets and was probably as soft too, if only he could ever get close enough to stroke it. A bright red bandanna kept it out of her sweet, innocent face, in which were set two bright eyes the same color as her hair. Her cute mouth was curved upwards in a smile as she walked happily through the park. She was admiring some flowers, she hadn't noticed him –but he had the feeling that if she should ever do so, a thousand miko working round the clock wouldn't be able to duplicate the blessing.

"Yo! Chikyuu to Tenshinhan!" The familiar shrill voice shattered his reverie like it would probably do to the mirror his sensei's new partner carried around with her. "What are you _doing_? Don't you see the gi she's wearing? She's from the dojo that Sensei's always talking about!"

"What?"

"You big baka, the Turtle Dojo! Muten Roshi's place! What do you think the turtle shell is for? We got away from Sensei, let's go someplace else now." Chaozu tugged impatiently on his friend's gi. Tenshinhan hated to leave, but he did.

He'd make sure he saw her again some day…

End Part Six

Aww…Well fans, what do you think? Shall I give Ten his wish? Or will I just ignore him and get on with this fic before I'm massacred for slowness? The big day approaches! 


	7. Media Players

Tsurukame! Being Cheery

(by Sailor Taichichi Vegeta)

Well, I guess I should be massacred for slowness. You probably don't care about my excuses, but if you're that curious just send me a PM. Meanwhile… enjoy the madness.

Disclaimer

Me: After all this time… we still don't own any of the Dragonball series. But we are excited about the Kai remake. (Not that crap movie, just the series.)

Tails: *sigh* I can't believe you dragged me out of retirement.

Me: Aw, come on! We're in this together 'til the end!

Tails: Fine… And we don't own anything else that may be referred to in this story.

Tale #7 –Media Players

The lake was the place to be that day. Couples relaxed under the trees, old men sat fishing and joking together, and there was even a school group learning about the different plants that could be found there. And off in some secluded corner of the park, meditating up a snowstorm, was… Lunch shuddered. Something about that woman wasn't right. Better not to think about it. She smiled at a pair of yellow butterflies that seemed to investigate her for a moment before they passed on. Turning her head slightly to better follow their progress, she yelped as something struck her in the back of the head.

"Sorry!" The culprits –a small boy, an even smaller girl, and twin bear cubs –dashed up to her to retrieve their Frisbee. "Tomoyo can't throw!"

"Yes I can!" The little girl stomped her foot stubbornly before getting a closer look at Lunch. "Hey miss, are you a fighter?"

"Don't be so nosy. Isn't it enough to hit her?" scolded her brother. "We weren't trying to bother you, ma'am."

Lunch had to laugh. "No, it's fine. I'm not a true fighter –I can fight a little bit, but I've only been studying a fusion of martial arts and cheerleading for the past six weeks." Not surprisingly, this revelation drew gasps of amazement and requests for a demonstration from the foursome. She gladly obliged.

"Okay, one more time," slurred the Turtle Hermit, trying not to spill his drink on the document he, Tsurusen'nin and Brother Shinnosuke were all poring over. "Each cheerleader will choose two songs to perform to. The first song will be spent shouting cheers to get the audience excited, and the second will feature a spirited dance created by the contestant and her teacher. Then, the order of performance will be decided by a coin toss. Did I get it?"

"You silly man, the coin toss is first," snorted Tsurusen'nin. Ordinarily he would've been mocking his rival for eating and drinking as much as he had, but this place had really good drinks… or was it the food… or was it the bagel? Anyhow, both of them were pretty full, so he decided to cut Roshi some slack just this once. Still, where were Tenshinhan and Chaozu with a video camera when he needed them?

"Yes, yes, that's it." Brother Shinnosuke was the most coherent of the three and gave the impression that he pitied his companions. "The audience's reactions will be monitored by the judges, and they will determine the winner based on a combination of energy and technique."

"That's not hard at all…" was the last thing out of Roshi's mouth as he wandered off to the little martial artists' room. Tsurusen'nin and Shinnosuke waited a moment before bursting into wicked laughter. Pulling out a wallet, the Crane Elder removed a few bills that he'd managed to save from the casino, only to have them snatched away by Michiko.

"I'll take that. Talent and skill don't come cheap, you know."

"Come now Michiko, you're supposed to split that." A thought occurred to him. "Why didn't you warn me about the food?"

"Kamesen'nin was right here with you the whole time. What was I supposed to say –'hey, did you know that cranes are allergic to garlic?'"

"Relax, Tsurusen'nin." The not-so-holy man was still chuckling as he took half the money from Michiko. "You got what you wanted, and considering the circumstances this was probably the least suspicious way of doing it. Just… try to keep your balance is all."

Tsurusen'nin sighed. "I suppose you're right. How long do I have?"

"I'd say about six minutes."

"Very well." He took out a small round mirror and spoke into it as if it were a walkie-talkie. "Electra."

Deep in the park where dogs refused to run and schoolkids found it oddly cold, the white-haired woman opened one eye to glance down at the mirror next to her, its flowery frame surrounding the silhouette of the old man who'd hired her. "Yes?"

"Kamesen'nin is incapacitated. You have five minutes to act…" Then he dashed off too.

"That's all I need." The connection was broken, the mirror reflected grass and trees again. Electra stood up, closed her eye again, and stepped onto the surface of the mirror. Surprisingly, it didn't break, but simply glowed where it contacted her bare feet; a few seconds later her body glowed as well before disappearing. A black blob appeared from underneath, formed itself into a girly-looking shadow, and slunk off toward where she'd seen her rival walking.

_Here I come_…

The unsuspecting Lunch was in the middle of an improvised routine, with the audio comprised of three-part amateur a cappella and Tomoyo's enthusiastic clapping. She grinned as she finished a roundhouse kick, then without warning dropped to her knees, the grin now a grimace.

"Hey! Are you all right?" asked one of the bear cub twins.

"I think so… I guess I just got reckless…"

_Ha! I never get tired of this part! _If anybody had noticed the shadow that had approached Lunch and suddenly disappeared they might've suspected everything was _not_ all right. As it was, Electra's invasion went unnoticed as her spectre reappeared inside her victim, growing like a pearl would inside of an oyster until she could practically feel the other's heartbeat. She decided to shift her power downwards. _Let's see how agile you are with two bad knees._ All the kids saw was their new friend's expression growing more pained.

_Odd. That didn't do as much damage as I wanted it to. Well, if she's gonna make it hard for me then I suppose I'll just aim for her head right now._ Electra's spectre moved back up, intending to hit Lunch's ears and brain and so ruin her balance… and hit a brick wall. Sort of.

_Whaaaaat?_

Part of the girl's head was vulnerable, but Electra was prevented from reaching at least half of it. Feeling cheated, she roughly jerked her head forward –causing Lunch to moan and squeeze her eyes shut –and fled back to her mirror.

"I was never told that girl had any magic," she muttered once she'd returned. "What sort of power was that?"

"Hey Kuririn?"

"Yes?"

"Are you _sure_ this will make Muten Roshi laugh?"

"Well, it'll make _somebody_ laugh. Maybe Lord Muten Roshi, maybe the neighbors. Maybe that odd guy at the record store. Probably that guy. Wait, your wig's still crooked." Kuririn tucked the camera under his arm, walked over to Gokuh, and adjusted the white mop head so that it hung down over most of his friend's unruly black hair. "There. And remember to look tough!"

Wanting to make his friend happy, Gokuh swept back the sheet tied around his neck and bravely brandished his large stick as if it were a real sword. Across from him was the still-snoozing Umigame, now painted blue and resting in front of what looked like a throne hastily erected from sticks. Kuririn moved back until he had a decent view of the two (though not one that showed the 'villain' was sleeping), then began to snap pictures.

"Okay Gokuh, now pretend you've run out of energy."

At this point the monkey-boy was beyond questioning his friend's orders, so he quietly obeyed and lay face-down. Flash, flash went the camera from a few more angles. Then, "Now to the trench!"

The "trench" was a large but shallow hole they'd dug and filled with water earlier. The two carried Umigame over to it, placing him so that it looked like the water was surging around his feet. Kuririn walked around him slowly, snapping more pictures, even climbing a stepladder to get in some shots from above.

"Well, that's it," he said. "Project 'Drowned King Umigame' was a success. Now let's get this cleaned up before Lord Muten Roshi gets back!"

Back at the park, Lunch and her new friends could have used some cleaning too. The Turtle Dojo's newest recruit had twigs and bark fragments stuck in her hair, little Tomoyo had dandelions decorating hers, and all five of them sported various mud and grass stains.

"Now do this one!" Tomoyo's brother held up one of the few dandelions that hadn't been used as hair ornaments. Other girls might wear roses or lilies in their hair, but Tomoyo was just special that way.

"Don't forget to make a wish," added the girl. Lunch nodded, and with a single karate chop that stopped short of the actual flower, the seeds were scattered to the four winds. The kids began to cheer… and then she sneezed.

"Wow, you can change your hair color too?"

"Oh yes," purred Kushami as she looked around for something to tear up. "I know how to do lots of things."

No doubt the little ones would have asked what those things were and ended up scarred for life, but just then they were approached by three thugs who demanded all their valuables. Terrified, they tried to hide behind their new friend. She said nothing, but her hand went to her hip as if she was searching for something.

"Hey lady, did you hear us? Let's have the loot."

Aaaargh, she must have left it at home. Oh well. Spotting a large piece of broken branch nearby, she bent down and seized that instead.

"I heard you all right. Kids, would you like to see me change the color of these nice men's eyes to black?" This elicited chuckles from the terrible trio, which quickly turned to screams as Kushami's new weapon shattered their leader's nose a second later.

"Y-you can't do that to our boss! Let's get her!" The other two charged her, one wielding a knife and the other a length of chain. Quickly sizing the two up, Kushami jumped backwards to avoid a slash with the knife and then made as if to swing the branch again. The chain wrapped around her forearm and, ignoring the pain, she yanked her arm in close, bringing the would-be mugger with it, and planted her foot in his groin. His partner, seeing an opening as she pulled the chain off, dashed forward to stab her. She just managed to dodge to the side, then punched him in the face. Unfortunately, he got in a slice at her arm.

"Aaah! Stupid…" she hissed. A quick sweep kick took him off his feet, and she turned to deal with the leader, who'd taken out a gun. This day was getting better and better…

"All right, lady. I've had enough of you." And with that he fired. Luckily for Kushami, she'd retrieved her makeshift club and hurled that at him without a second to spare. The force of the bullet snapped it in two, but the branch's lower half made a nice _clunk_ sound as it met his forehead. He moaned and crumpled to the ground like his subordinate had done a minute ago.

Of course the third guy's mouth and eyes were wide open now as he backed up slowly, whimpering for mercy. Kushami snorted.

"Mercy? Heh heh… ah, screw it. Boo!" That made him do a 180 and dash right into the lake, screaming and flailing his arms the whole time whether on land or in the water. Laughing, the homicidal blonde prepared to go and ruin another park visitor's day –and ran right into Muten Roshi. "What do you want, Grandpa?"

The Turtle Hermit's only reply was to blow another dandelion into her face.

"Excellent…"

Two days later, Tenshinhan and Chaozu watched a semi-blurry recording of the lakeside mayhem after dropping off their sensei's pirated software, and the three-eyed one was liking what he saw. Not only was the girl he'd spotted a pretty one, but she wasn't scared to earn that Turtle Dojo gi, either. The color change didn't matter –the friendly violet eyes turned to bloodthirsty green ones –she was a stellar combination of cute and tough. A lesser man would have been blushing or even drooling.

"Do you even know who you're stalking?" asked the hacker, a bored look on her face as she twirled a lock of pink hair round her finger. She wasn't really a hacker, more of a technician, but the pair had convinced her to access the security footage from nearby shops and restaurants using a little thing called 'our sensei is the elder brother of that scary guy hired by the now-dead leader of your defunct organization, so let's roll the camera if you please.'

"Well, I think I may have seen her before, but I can't remember where. She's not some politician's daughter, is she?" Tenshinhan had trouble seeing her as the offspring of such a person, but he really wasn't sure.

Pink snorted and hit a couple of keys. "Far from it, my friend. Like attracts like, and we three model citizens just so happen to be watching over…" Right on cue, the screen was filled with photos, articles and police reports, each one featuring the same cocky blonde woman.

"So are you going to ask the convict out, Ten?" asked Chaozu.

"Whuh? No!" He was a fearsome Crane Dojo student and all-round bad boy! Bad boys didn't do things like tracking down rival dojos' new recruits and asking them out for dinner and a movie, like that new one about the gladiator robots… Nuh-uh. "We'll see her at the competition in two weeks. I'll say something then." Pink snorted again and earned a smack upside the head so hard it caused her to need six stitches and a new keyboard.

"So we've narrowed it down to six tracks. Which two of these would be best?"

"I really like this one," said Lunch, picking up the CD from the living room floor. "It almost sounds like I'm at a disco when I listen to it, so it's not hard to dance to."

"All right," said Roshi. "And the other?"

"Hmm… I like both of these." Well, there was only one way to solve a problem like this. Lunch took out a coin (bright silver with odd rust-colored stains, she didn't remember where or when she'd gotten it) and flipped it. There, decision made. "This song will be the other one that carries me to victory!" She pushed away the case on the left to rejoin its rejected brethren.

"That's the spirit!" cheered the Turtle Hermit. "I expect you still remember all the rhymes you've made up?"

"Of course, sir."

"Well, you've got a little less than two weeks to combine them with the dances you'll be doing to this music. Better get to work."

"I couldn't have said it myself, Muten Roshi." With a smile, Lunch went to do just that.

End Part Seven

If I still have the right to ask y'all to look forward to next chapter, I'd like to announce that Ten WILL get his wish! And with as little sap as I can muster! Yay! I hope I did a good job with the possession/attack part… Anyway, it's good to be back.^^ (The hacker-lady is a character of someone special with whom I used to raise sand a long time ago. Seems we haven't communicated in forever, so this is kinda my tribute to her.)


End file.
